What To Look For In A Spouse

After finishing Tim Keller's book, "The Meaning of Marriage," I found myself still asking this question, "So what do I look for in a potential spouse?"

I went back to see what I could come up with as gleaned from the book.  I still believe physical attraction is important, but am I missing out on discovering the qualities and characteristics I should truly seek in a person?  Am I guilty of eliminating people with beautiful character by scanning a room based on looks and polish?

Here, I will remind myself and share with you what to keep in mind during the marriage-seeking season.

Jonathan Edwards tells us that, "true virtue in a person--contentment, peace, and joy from the gospel--is beautiful."

I want to learn to find myself attracted to one's spiritual fruit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22,23 ESV)


Tim Keller urges us to look at these things in a person: Character, mission, future self, and mythos.

What is a mythos?  It can be described as books, places, music, pastimes--inconsolable longing, things that get you in touch with the Joy that is God.  Sharing this with someone is a wonderful experience, I think.

When you meet this person, get to know each other in aspects of family, church, and community life.
-deeper everyday life to evaluate character
-serve together
-fellowship and bible study together in community
-worship together

Also, ask yourself if you've made it past the infatuation stage with this person:
-have we been through and solved a few sharp conflicts?
-have we been through a cycle of repenting and forgiving?
-have we each shown each other we can make changes out of love for the other?

One more thing I suggest is to get mentorship and friendship from a married couple before and after marriage.