Whenever I hear the term "serial" I always think "cereal"...Anyways, the topic of dating always gets people interested for some reason. And I never did get to finish my "dating series" for this blog because I suddenly have two jobs and am working 6 days a week. (Praise God for work, though!)
I've tried online dating and for the most part it has been a positive learning experience. Although, I've met the end of my ropes with it. I might try eHarmony.com as a last resort, but I'm not interested in spending my money on that right now. So, we'll see where God leads with that.
I'm still on a few free sites where I've actually met some godly men, but also some not-so-godly men. Then there are those whom we might categorize as "in-between." "Who am I to really judge?" is what seems to be my initial knee-jerk response. But honestly, there is something to judge here. In dating, LOTS of judging goes on. I mean, we are talking about considering someone with whom you may go from "hello, nice to meet you" to "I do" one day!
If you have not read the sermon notes from Tim Keller on Singlehood and Marriage then let me clarify why I'm "ok" with dating and why it has been a positive experience for me. It has allowed me to:
1. Affirm people of the opposite sex within the Christian community.
2. Help one another learn the intricacies of cross-gender communication, discernment, and relationship.
3. Stay open to God's own leading about whether I should be married or not.
4. Avoid the contemporary idols that make dating and marriage very threatening.
5. Avoid avoiding. Dating and marriage-seeking is a process of self-discovery as well as understanding cross-gender relationships. Don't procrastinate.
In my dating, a common thing I get from the categorized "in-between" men is the fact that they don't understand or agree why it is good for two people to be on the same page in their walk with God to have a great marriage. Maybe the difference here is a great marriage in the eyes of the "world" vs. a marriage that pleases God. And that's been very difficult for me to explain to someone who isn't on the same page as me spiritually.
Tim Killer says it best in his sermon, "If your partner doesn't share your faith, then he or she doesn't understand it. And if Jesus is central to you, then that means that your partner doesn't understand you. He/she doesn't understand the mainspring of your life, the ground motive of all you do. Over and over you will make decisions that your partner can't fathom. Now the essence of intimacy in marriage is that fianlly you have someone who really understands you and accepts you as you are. Finally you have someone that you don't have to hide from or always be 'spinning', who 'gets' you. But if the person is not a believer, he or she can't understand your very essence and heart."
He also goes on to say how marrying someone who does not share your faith can only go two ways, "One is that you will more and more have to lose your transparency. In the normal, healthy Christian life, you relate Christ and the gospel to everything. You will think of Christ when watching a movie. You will base decisions on Christian principles. You will think about what you read in the Bible that day. But if you are natural and transparent about all these thoughts, your partner will find it at least tedious or appalling and even offensive. Your partner will almost have to think that the normal Christian is obsessed. He or she will say, 'I had no idea you were this overboard about this.' The other possibility is that you simply move Christ out of such a central place in your consciousness. You may even have to let your heart-ardor for Christ cool. Why? Because if you keep Him central you will feel isolated from your spouse."
Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot emphasize what Pastor Keller is saying here. It is SO true! It's important to be fair to someone who doesn't understand this and not get emotionally involved with them. And you don't want to let go of your heart-ardor for Christ. You really don't. As I continue to go on a few dates here and there, these are the things I remember. I am not worried at all about meeting a great man who will choose to love me and who shares the same faith and the same heart for Christ. I know he's out there. Until then, I'm just taking things one step at a time as God leads. :)
Now excuse me as I go to the store, I've run out of milk for my cereal...
You can find my blog post about and link to Tim Keller's sermon on Singlehood and Marriage by clicking here.
