Wednesday, August 12, 2009

5 Ways to Glorify God in Dating

So, lately I've been on the dating scene.

One big question I'm constantly asking myself is, "How can I glorify God through dating?" Some people think dating is wrong or have kissed it good-bye. Yeah, that's not me. On top of all that, many people have different definitions of dating. So let me just clarify that to me dating is an end in itself. It's single people of the opposite sex getting to know each other on a one-on-one basis with mutual interest expressed from some sort of initial attraction. It may even lead to a relationship.

Here are 5 random ways (so far) I've found to have positive effects in my recent dating experiences and in turn bring me closer to God and point the other person to Christ as well:

1. Pray! I pray before ever going on the date. Even if it's with a guy I don't suspect will be my future husband. God knows and sees everything I'm doing, why not submit my interactions with single and available men to Him as well?

2. Don't over-analyze. God says to be anxious for nothing, right? Just because a guy asked me for coffee doesn't mean he wants to marry me! And that brush on the knee, it could mean something, it could not. Until he gets down on one knee...don't sweat it!

3. Be confident. And I'm not just talking about self-esteem here. I mean in your faith. Don't be afraid to talk about what you believe in or ask questions regarding faith. It's important, isn't it? Fear God and not man!

4. Sexual Integrity. Consider your physical boundaries and make up your mind ahead of time what measures you will take to avoid temptation. Come up with a game plan. And have someone available who will keep you accountable. Call them before and after the date. It helps, trust me! (See Sexual Compatibility)

5. Trust God. Be patient, and don't come to early conclusions about a person. Take the time to get to know someone, and trust that if it's not meant to be God will show you the way out. If you are keeping your dating experiences in prayer, God hears you and He is happy to show you the way as long as you are constantly seeking Him. Remember that you can pray for the hearts of your dates in this whole process, too. When you trust God, openness and honesty is so much easier. Which is very important in dealing with people in general, let alone in the dating scene.
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More Articles on Biblical Dating & Marriage
Posted by Christina Meyer at 6:05 PM
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5 comments:

  1. Hey Christina, great thoughts!

    My only addition would be this. I think it's becoming more and more important for those who follow Jesus to be intentional about their decisions and lifestyle. I was single until I was 28, so I had lots of opportunities to make mistakes and learn from them.

    I think we need to be intentional about why we are dating. For me I didn't ask my wife on a date until I had spent some time with her and observed her with other people. I knew what kind of person she was and had a general grasp of whether we would be a good fit before we went out on dates. I knew I was running the risk of her dating other people and leaving me in the dust by waiting like this, but to me it was worth it.

    I like your points, but I would say also be intentional about why you are going on a date, is it a good idea to foster an attraction with someone if you know little or nothing about them, even if you do have accountability? Thanks for sharing, I hope my comments are helpful to the conversation!

    Chad
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  2. Christina,
    I thought that was great. It was kind of like reading a column in a Cosmo but that parellel my opinions and values. Thanks for sharing that- I look forward to anything else you write about!

    Chad,
    I really agree with you too! Being intentional while dating is very important. I have seen all too often a guy spend one-on-one time with a woman only to end up realizing they are not a good fit. Unfortunately, (not to stereotype women in general, but) women often will have expectations for the future as they may not have gotten the same impression. Often this occurs because someone is too fearful of hurting the other by saying, 'I'm just not that into you' (sorry for the line- I couldnt resist). From a woman's perspective, being intentional looks different. Chad, what if Kari hadn't spent time in group settings to really get to know you and she wasn't interested in what she did know of you? When you asked her out, what if she said no... Do you have a different way of 'intention' from a ladies' perspective??

    -Alicia
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  3. That's a great Alicia, I get that question a lot from women because if a woman strongly pursues a man she is often labeled... well you know :)

    I think if Kari hadn't shown interest early on I would have still "asked her out" but probably would have invited to a neutral setting like a party or just for a cup of coffee. Because I spent time with her at Crew our first "date" was me making her dinner and later us going to the beach and stuff, which was more intimate.

    As far 'intentional' from a woman's perspective I have broken it down like this. Most women want to marry a man who is a leader and who will be a strong initiator in a relationship. Since many men are weak and unwilling to take risks (sorry if this sounds mean but it's largely true) women often end up being the leaders and then feel frustrated that their man is not more of a man. This may sound judgmental but just look at how many Christian men behave in their homes and tell me that their wives aren't the ones who are leading.

    I often tell women that if they want to meet a strong man who will be a leader and make them feel wanted and secure they have to let the man pursue them. This means you make your interest known by being places he goes, initiating conversation, flirting etc. But in the end if he doesn't put his ... well, you know what on the line, is he really worth it? If you offer yourself up to men with no risk or possibility of rejection on their end what is that communicating to them?

    Last thing I will say is this, when I first asked out Kari I was E-mailing her on myspace and wrote, "I'm around all week, here's my number, call me if you want to hang out." She wrote back, "I don't call guys, but if you want to hang out with me give me a call!" Now that's making the guy know he's gotta work for it :)
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  4. Wow! Thanks guys for all your input. I totally agree about the intentionality of it all. This post was just a quick write up and I didn't mean to imply fostering attraction without intention. WAY not cool beans there. I agree with Alicia on that one, too.

    I think building a friendship first in a community setting is very important(more posts to come with interviews on that subject). But sometimes the first time you meet someone might not be in a group setting. Maybe someone at the grocery store caught your eye and a conversation sparked up. So what do you do then? Clearly you two are attracted to one another and maybe even want to get to know each other more?

    Or maybe two people met online on a dating site (tends to be my experience)...so there's obvious attraction and dating intention clearly layed out there. What then?

    In a scenario like that I might meet the person for coffee for a "screening" and then invite them to CREW or find out what community of believers they hang with and invite their friends to hang out with my friends, etc.

    I don't know if that's the perfect approach, but it's all I've been able to think of in that kind of situation. :)
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  5. (P.s. Chad I really appreciate the integrity you had to hold off pursing Kari until you were sure she was the kind of girl you wanted to know more and let your intentions be clear without leading her on....AWESOME!!! That's the way I think it should be done and hope more men will do that. And high five to Kari for makin' you work for it!!!) =D

    -Christina
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